Occasionally Wright

Mr. T

Great teachers don't get enough credit.

I had one in grade 12 for chemistry. He was also my homeroom teacher in grade 11, and we got along great even when he cut me form the high school volleyball team on the last day of tryouts when a new guy showed up and made the team, just because he was 6' 9". But I got over that. Obviously.

Anyway, Mr. Theuerkauf is the kind of teacher that people remember their whole lives. He's either brilliant or he fakes it really well. Or he's just smart enough to appear brilliant to high school kids. Either way he had (and presumably still has) a knack for telling great stories and for coming up with great and memorable lines. I was digging through some old keepsakes and came across my organic chemistry notebook that I wrote a lot of his quotes down in. Yes- I used to be good at organic chemistry.

Anyway, here are some of the quotes I wrote down all those years ago. Some of them won't make any sense except to people who know Mr. Theuerkauf, but I still think they're worth sharing. And Steven- if you're reading this- you helped me paint the inside of his house. He went on a rant about the Bare Naked Ladies cover of "Lovers in a Dangerous Time." He went on and on about how the BNL wouldn't know dangerous times if they bit them in their ass.

So back to the quotes:

"They often called me Captain Mellow."
"Somehow a crazy man with a banana is a lot scarier than a crazy man with a gun."
"Ben- you just finish up what you're doing and go back to your higher plane of thinking. You know- celestial beings and all that."
"I'm sorry. you all have to fail. I can't have my name associated with any of you."
"A threat goes a lot farther than actually carrying it out."
"Improve your life and get a thesaurus. And it's not a little dinosaur."
"Fighting is stupid. Why would I risk my tissue over my ego?"

And Mr. Theuerkauf's rules to live by (which he probably lifted from Reader's Digest or somewhere else):

1. Compliment at least three people each day.
2. Watch a sunrise at least once a year.
3. Look people in the eye.
4. Live beneath your means.
5. Buy whatever kids are selling on their front lawns.
6. Make friends but cherish the old ones.
7. Keep secrets.
8. Don't waste time learning the tricks of the trade- learn the trade.
9. Admit your mistakes.
10. Be brave. Even if you're not- pretend to be.

All of this from a man who actually put this question on a high school chemistry review sheet:

My uncle Edgar, who was known for his stories and aberrant behavior, once told me of an encounter with a member of the rodent genus; a big mother rat. It seems that Uncle Edgar was banished to the barn after arriving home late one night with C2H5OH in his breath and long auburn hairs on his personage- aunt Esther was a brunette. When he climbed to the loft he laid down, got comfortable, then he heard a hissing sound. He opened his eyes to see a protective maternal rat and her five little ratlings scurrying around behind her. In the fracas that ensued uncle Edgar received a few scratches but something curious also happened. The rat emptied its urinary bladder into one of his plastic-lined coat pockets. Since he was an inquisitive man and could no longer sleep, he decided to test the pH of the urine. It was 7.52. I'll leave you as he left me- wondering what was its [OH-].

The stuff that I've forgotten form that class blows my mind.

Oldy McOlderson

I don't remember how the conversation or why I brought it up (knowing me it might not have been related to anything at all) but at a Super Bowl party last weekend I was talking to someone about movies. I told them that I remember going to the grocery store as a kid (Sobey's in Moncton) and complaining because all of the good movies were only on BETA.

The response- "What's BETA?"

I probably never watched anything on BETA, and I only remember one family that had one, but at least I knew what it was. I swear I'm not more than two or three years older than these people, but at the time it was the oldest I'd ever felt.

Then late this past week I was talking to my wife and reminiscing about a trip I took to Mount Washington the summer between grade nine and grade ten. The summer of 1992. Almost 15 years ago. When I realized that, that was the oldest I'd ever felt in my life.

You Can Take The Islander Off The Island...

Some things are just too deeply ingrained to fade away.

I can't be the only person that grew up PEI who, every time they see a line of 10 or more cars coming towards them at once, instinctively think to themselves "Ahh... the boat must be in."

Nevermind that A) I haven't seen PEI ferry traffic since the Confederation Bridge opened almost nine years ago and B) I live 250 miles from the ocean or any other major body of water.

Mr T

When I was in grade 12 on PEI I had a fantastic chemistry teacher. Not only did he make chemistry interesting but he said all sorts of quotable things, and he knew it, which made it even more entertaining. When I was going through some old boxes at home this week I came across one of my chemistry notebooks, so I threw it in my suitcase and brought it to Ottawa so I could sift through the Mr. Theuerkauf's quotes that I'd written down. To start, Mr. Theuerkauf's ten rules to live by:

1. Complement 3 people each day.
2. Watch a sunrise at least once a year.
3. Look people in the eye.
4. Live beneath your means.
5. Buy whatever kids are selling on their front lawns.
6. Make friends but cherish old ones.
7. Keep secrets.
8. Don't waste time learning the tricks of the trade; learn the trade.
9. Admit your mistakes.
10. Be brave. Even if you're not, pretend to be.

Sure, he likely lifted most, if not all, of them from some cheesy book or magazine article, but I'm more likely to follow them coming from the guy who also said "Improve your life and get a thesaurus, and no, it's not a little dinosaur."

Bye Bye Boots

Close to 12 years ago I went on a hiking trip to the White Mountains in New Hampshire. Before I went I bought a pair of Hi-Tec hiking boots and I absolutely loved them. They were perfect for what we were doing and I remember that one one of the first days I slipped and got one foot soaked in a stream- 30 minutes later my foot was completely dry without having taken off the boot or sock. Those well-loved and well-worn boot lasted until sometime in grad school, so until about the fall of 2000. Seven years. Sure they were ragged, the soles were about shot and they were being held together with Shoe Goo but they served me well. When it came time to replace them it was an easy call- I just went to the Hanes Mall in Winston-Salem, NC and got another pair of Hi-Tecs. They weren't quite the same model but they were the closest thing I could find and they lasted me another five years. Well, that second pair of Hi-Tecs has served me well but the soles have worn through to the rubber underneath the cushioning inside them is pretty much shot. They also leak like sieves in the slightest bit of water, so tonight they're being put out with the trash and for the first time in 12 years I won't have a pair of Hi-Tecs to wear. 12 years. That's close to half of my life.

Unfortunately Hi-Tecs have gone up a whole lot in price (I paid about $40CDN for my first pair, $40 USD for my second) and they just don't look as good as they used to so my pair has been replaced by an ultra comfortable pair of Salomon Anteros as well as a pair of Nike Ridgecrest boots which gave me some wicked bad blisters within 5 minutes of putting them on. The Salomons have blown me away, the Nikes have been a disappointment but seeing as I got both pairs for a combined $99 I can't really complain. That's the cost of about eight pizzas, twelve movies or if you're a beer drinking Canadian, eight six packs. It's all relative. Regardless I'm going to miss those Hi-Tecs.

Back in the Day...

Back in the day before my old church camp went all fancy things were different.No pool, no fancy buildings, no climbing wall, no BMX track. Just a bunch of WWII pre-fab buildings, some fields and a some trees. We had to make due with what we had and boy oh boy did we do some crazy stuff- things you just can't get away with these days. Things like having a bunch of 11-12 year old boys blindfold their counselor, put him behind the wheel of the camp station wagon as they pile in the back and then yell directions to him as he drives through a field filled with utility posts, only to take him out of the car, stuff him in a giant tractor tire and roll him down a hill. Nope, you just can't do that anymore.

Those were the days...

Hail to the Bus Driver

Back in high school on PEI we used to have a bus driver named Jimmy that drove the Cornwall/North River to Bluefield High route. Jimmy was short, round, had a weather-worn face and big greasy hair. He didn't look entirely unlike a troll and for some disgusting reason he kept an old comb on the dash in front of him so he cold run it through his greasy hair every once in a while Elvis style.

Anyway, every now and then on the route home after school Jimmy would stop and open the door at a regular stop and nobody would get off. Maybe the person that lived there was sick or had band practice that day- who knew. But every time it happened, without fail, a bunch of people would start cheering and claping and yell out "Way to go Jimmy!"  Then Jimmy would just shake his head and mumble something before driving on to the next stop.

Then one day in the winter the roads were really icy. After already being mocked once or twice Jimmy had trouble getting the bus up a steep hill on the Warren Grove Road. So he backed up, gunned the engine and took a run at it. Halfway up was as far as we got. So he backed up even more and tried again. No luck. It took three or four tries before we cleared the crest of the hill and the moment we did there were more boisterous cheers of "Way to go Jimmy!"

Well Jimmy had had enough so he slammed on the brakes, turned around, and his best troll voice yelled out "I don't have to drive this bus you know. I could stop right now and make every one of you damn kids get off and walk."

No you couldn't Jimmy. Bus driving was in your blood. And in your contract. Now turn around and drive.